I'd like to challenge this prevailing message that seems to seep its way into the daily life of many students (both music and otherwise). My statement may seem obvious. Silly. Trivial. But it is important. And it is too often forgotten.
You need to take care of yourself in order to be successful in anything.
It's obvious. I know. Maybe it's cliche. But think about it. Again: You need to take care of YOURSELF in order to be successful in anything.
This can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people. For me, it was working less. It was taking some things off my plate and trusting that, financially, physically, socially, I was going to be OK. As a wise mentor of mine said to me, "You don't want to be the richest pianist in the graveyard." Insert yourself in there: "You don't want to be the richest__________ in the graveyard."
I can't speak for every field of study, but there are some things I've learned from being a musician that I'm sure can be applied to most lifestyles and career choices.
I love hearing anecdotes from other people in the music field about their years in school: how they made their first connections, how they dealt with failure, disappointment, and doubt. I think that is crucial to the support system and mentorships that many people seek. My university has a class that every music major is required to take for 4 semesters in which, occasionally, someone from the music industry presents to the students and tells them how they worked their way into their career. The speakers provide a lot of valuable information, and often inspiration, for us young, aspiring musicians. Often, however, we hear about how they have spent decades getting 4 hours of sleep in a week and eating at starvation rate because they spend 20 hours a day practicing/composing/etc... They glorify a dangerous, terrifying lifestyle and indirectly tell students who are already extremely stressed and busy that if they ever want success, they must do the same.
We feel pressure everywhere to sleep less, take on more, practice until we bleed. What does this do for us? I can tell you what it did to me. It burned me out. It left me hating music. It left me depressed. It left me feeling like I would never be successful. It significantly diminished my quality of life. It all but eliminated my social life (which is very important. Don't let anybody fool you. You NEED a support system, no matter where you are in life). It left me unmotivated. It nearly destroyed the most important relationship in my life. It most certainly did NOT make me want to be a musician, or even think about the future in general, because if it's this hard now, I don't want to know what it will be like in 5 years. That was the last three years or so for me.
My practicing suffered. As a result, my hopes for my future suffered. That left me feeling unmotivated. Because I had no social life, I had no friends to talk to to help me get through it or help me think of strategies to get motivated and get work done. My response was to sleep and eat less while practicing more. BUT the practice was useless because I was sleep deprived and malnourished. To top it off, I kept hearing, "If you're not constantly working, you're lazy. You don't have what it takes to be successful." (In another blog post, I intend to address the vagueness of the term "success"- which is another problem with the messages with which we are being bombarded).
So what's the solution?
I don't know, but I can tell you what I've learned so far.
1. The QUALITY of your practice is much more important than the QUANTITY of it.
It does you no good to sit with your instrument for 18 hours a day if you are not well physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. However you define wellness, you need to make the effort to get yourself there and prioritize your wellness. Otherwise, you may as well only practice for an hour or less.
Something to keep in mind is that a healthy adult can only focus on one particular task for 20 minutes at a time! If you are sleep deprived or malnourished, either from lack of food OR an unbalanced diet, think about how much shorter your attention span probably is....
Something that has worked tremendously for me is setting a timer for 15 minutes when I practice. I focus for those 15 minutes, then no matter what, I take 2-5 minutes to walk away from the piano and do something to refocus (NOT ON MY PHONE). Sometimes this is taking a walk to the drinking fountain, deep breathing exercises, prayer, stretching... It can be anything. Just take a break. Reassess, refocus, then reset the timer and do it again. This has allowed me to get what used to take me 4 hours accomplished in 2.
2. I set my OWN goals for MYSELF.
This means a few things: Regardless of the pressures I am feeling, my practice (or study, or work, etc...) is more productive and more rewarding when I take the time to write out the tasks I need to accomplish in my own words. More than that, I need to find your own reasons for accomplishing those tasks. It is much easier to do something when I can say "I want to do this because..." rather than "I have to do this..." or "[insert name] wants me to do this..."
This way of forming goals is called intrinsic motivation. It's OK for goals to also have extrinsic motivation, but chances are that also having your own reasons and rewards for doing something will greatly improve your attitude, motivation, and mood. One resource that I've found helpful when first learning how to set goals with intrinsic motivation is this one...
Another thing to remember is that only I know what is reasonable to expect of myself. I know my body, mind, and current situation in life. So, I make goals that are realistic, not goals that I just make because I feel like I have to please everyone around me. IT IS OK TO SAY "NO" TO SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS.
I'll say it again.
IT IS OK TO SAY "NO" TO SOMEONE ELSE'S EXPECTATIONS!!!
3. I need to go easy on myself and feel good about where I am, and where I'm headed.
It is not fair to compare myself to someone who was raised in a different environment, with different education, with a different genetic makeup, who works a different job, has different friends, and different joys and struggles in their life. I know this phrase is used to death, but.... You can only compare yourself to who you were in the past.
That being said, any progress is still progress, and it deserves to be commended.
A little while back, I was having a really hard time. I was feeling really depressed and I didn't touch the piano for at least 3 days. I don't actually remember how long it was. My first thought was to chastise myself for being lazy. I told myself I didn't have what it takes to be successful, and the fact that I hadn't been practicing proved that. All this did was continue to make me feel unmotivated.
But here's the thing: One day I practiced again. It was only for about 30 minutes. BUT I practiced.
As musicians, it's really easy to look at those 30 minutes and continue to chastise yourself because, well... it was only 30 minutes.... Please don't. Be kind to yourself and be forgiving. It happens sometimes. The important thing is that there was an effort made to improve. And guess what.... if you commend yourself for making that huge effort to sit at your instrument after hating it for a week... you are a LOT more likely to continue making similar improvements.
Make specific goals for what you want to accomplish in your practicing. Write down things you did WELL, not just improvements that need to be made. Feel good about the efforts that you are making. Remember that you are a superstar. There is nobody out there that can do what you do they way that you do it. So, don't try to be like anybody else. Find a rhythm that works for you and do it. Support your fellow musicians. HELP CREATE A POSITIVE ENVIRONMENT. At school, in orchestra, in band, in your studio.... wherever you are. Take care of yourself.
Please remember that you love music. You chose it for a reason. Find that reason again. Work hard, but don't work so hard that you have a low quality of life. Find time to read, laugh, love, go out to eat. Do something other than music. It's OK to have a social life, take a break from practicing, sleep 7-10 hours every night!
You're not wasting seconds, you are using them to be a healthy, happy HUMAN BEING.
